To What End?

by Trusty Bench Boys

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1.
Everything I Do, I Do It For The Recognition 04:25
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From number four in twenty one To number one in twenty four Best privacy song of the calendar year Could we possibly ask for more? But now we've had a little bite of the cherry We want to chomp it down to the core So here begins the campaign trail To win more awards Give us a Brit, give us a Brit Even though we've never really had a hit If we made a short film of Her, The Dog, and Me Could we get an Oscar from the Academy? Maybe Globular could win a Golden Globe Or a Pride of Britain for The UK Is Closed If the Minister For Pork says We've Got The Beans We'll win a Michelin star for Fundoscopy First and foremost We'd like to thank our friends And we'd like to thank our families We would like to thank Gloria Champion of the Trusty Bench Boys And the Belgian legal community For giving her the platform to truly appreciate us (Don't forget the British pork industry) We'd like to give a shout out to the British pork industry For providing and promoting delicious British pork Premier Inns and Travelodges up and down the southeast of England too (Oppenheimer?) We would like to thank Oppenheimer For building the house And showing us how to rearrange the furniture (Microsoft Office) We would like to mention the entire Microsoft Office suite From Excel to Teams, you have us performing at our peak Hugo Mallo - the original Trusty Bench Boy (Bandcamp?) Oh yes We'd like to thank Bandcamp For allowing us to charge for our music And in particular Tristan Hornby For paying for that music (Unlike the rest of you) There's Greg The cold beating heart of the band I'd also at this point like to mention the penis and legs of the band I think you can figure out who's who I can't leave the stage without mentioning The Glorious Nation of Kyrgyzstan In particular, its capital: Bishkek Truly a city that never sleeps While we're on cities Dublin and its zombies And thanks to COVID-19 too For giving us our start Izzi for buying us McDonalds (Once) Once And finally we'd like to thank her And the dog And me Me Give us a Brit, give us a Brit Even though we've never really had a hit If we made a short film of Her, The Dog, and Me Could we get an Oscar from the Academy? Maybe Globular could win a Golden Globe Or a Pride of Britain for The UK Is Closed If the Minister For Pork says We've Got The Beans We'll win a Michelin star for Fundoscopy
2.
How Often Do You Think About The Roman Empire? 02:27
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If I could I promise I’d cross the Rubicon too Let's let the die be cast Pompey's gonna lose Veni, vidi, vici You conquered all our hearts Screw that Boudicca And fuck the Goths Semper in animo You’re always on my mind When I think about you Guaranteed to smile Semper in animo We will never forget Byzantines could never have The love the Romans get My mate Caligula He attacked the sea Domitian stabbed at flies Tore off their wings Nero killed his wife, Castrated poor Sporus, He became his bride, Watched Nero take his life. Semper in animo You’re always on my mind When I think about you Guaranteed to smile Semper in animo We will never forget Byzantines could never have The love the Romans get
3.
Fridge Tetris 04:07
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I'm not really hungry but there's nothing left to eat Fridge is full of leftovers, expired vegan meat (vegan meat) Try to rearrange them but there isn't any space Playing Tetris in 3D without uniform shapes (oh ooh) (Fridge Tetris, Fridge Tetris) It's a game I never win (Fridge Tetris, Fridge Tetris) I take it out then put it in (Is it in yet?) I should throw away some stuff but I just can't decide (can't decide) If I eat a whole shelf it's like clearing Tetris lines (Tetris lines) I keep trying to stack things, it's useless, I despair (I despair) Curvy, squishy, bendy, where are my trusty squares? (oh ooh) (Fridge Tetris, Fridge Tetris) It's a game I never win (Fridge Tetris, Fridge Tetris) Either without or within (Fridge Tetris, Fridge Tetris) It's a game I never win (Fridge Tetris, Fridge Tetris) In my mouth or in the bin
4.
Free Market Doublespeak 02:32
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Subject to availability Warranty and liability This is not a guarantee Of intellectual property Salaries aren't competitive Job market's on a sedative Not free to work or roam or live Docile and uninquisitive You'll find that side effects include But are in no way limited To "Good" relabelled "New" And manufactured fake reviews The creator's voice unique to you Despite fair dealing and fair use Will be denied, robbed, and, removed Demonetised by YouTube Why do we fear identity theft? We don't have an identity left We've been stripped, we are bereft By the sleek machine, efficient and deft Stop asking, yes, we accept You've greyed out the option to reject There is no choice for us except Your bullshit Terms of Service Ask your doctor for more medicine Which may contain some gelatin Provide a urine specimen That's if the bastard lets you in In good faith, these views are not my own Unverified modified app screen shown I've exaggerated to drive the point home The truth is boring, complex, and unknown This Content is not intended to and does not constitute legal advice No attorney-client relationship is formed The accuracy, completeness, adequacy or currency of the Content Is not warranted or guaranteed Your use of Content is at your own risk

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released February 18, 2024

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